New Blog June 21, 2005

I started a craft blog! You can visit it here:

http://threadingtheneedle.blogspot.com/

Martin Baby Blanket

Don’t you hate when you really really want to make something nice and special for someone and just never get that extra shove you want? Ever since an online friend of mine got pregnant, I’ve wanted to make something for her new arrival. Between everything currently on my plate, and with me suffering from a bit of depression, I’ve neglected this task.

So I had decided to try one of those knot blankets. But after starting it, I decided that it sucked and so I pitched it. And I made one of these. The satin binding is kind of a PITA to sew on, but I’m sure it would be better the next time I do it. I really like it. It’s super soft and will be great as a tummy time blanket or a car seat blanket. It has a few imperfections, but hey that goes along with home made stuff, right?

Each side is a different Classic Pooh print.

Fairy Princess Sheets

This flannel was bought at a great price during the Firefly Sale at Joanns. I’ve been looking for flannel sheets for Magdalena with no success so I decided to make her her own sheet set. I bought a pattern, but the fabric wasn’t wide enough to use. So I just measured the dimensions of the crib mattress. I cut that out of the fabric, finished the raw hems and attached elastic. I didn’t do an elastic casing as I don’t think it will matter much since the elastic is on the wrong side and next to the mattress. I finished the set with a standard pillowcase and flat sheet.

It’s A Small World June 14, 2005

I have a lot to update you on. Magdalena had a very rough weekend. Today was better and I had a great appointment with the RE. I’m so excited. (And as of 11:24pm Tuesday, I do not know if I am pregnant or not, ok?)

But, I wanted to write this entry and tell you about this warm fuzzy feeling I am going to bed with tonight. I just read about how Mani enjoyed the memory I created for us. And I find it incredibly amazing that this woman and I have never met, yet we have walked the same paths here in Indiana. This weekend I went to my Moms house. She lives with her Husband near the reservoir where Mani grew up. I couldn’t help but think about how Mani had most likely been there at one point in her life. Mani and I have never met, yet I know details of her life and she knows a great deal of my life. We share these great friends in the computer. We are all brought together by sharing the same beliefs.

When I think of all these great women whose blogs I read, who I chat with online, who I communicate with via forums, I’m overwhelmed at how lucky I am to be in any sort of contact with. And I can’t help but giggle like a school girl when I realize how lucky I am to be loved by Mani. heh.

For Mani June 13, 2005

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.

I like your strength.

02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.

I can’t think of anything, but really I don’t think I could think of anything for anyone.

03. If I were to apply an o’clock to you, I’ll tell you what it would be.

I’d say 6 oclock or the time around a sunset.

04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

Beautiful.

05. I’ll tell you the most memorable moment I’ve had with you.

Since we haven’t met, I’ll create a memory.
Mani, do you remember that time that we took my Step Dads boat out on the Salamonie Reservoir? We spent the day soaking up the sun, swimming, and just talking about everything we could possibly think of. It was so great just to hang out and enjoy a hot humid Indiana day without a care in the world.

06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.

A lovable Puppy.

07. I’ll then tell you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be a Midwife Student, to live on the East Coast. I wonder how you made the transition from Indiana to the East Coast and what was it like?

08. Put this in your journal.

Infertility Beast June 12, 2005

Manda enquired about my TTC journey. And well it’s a little bit screwed up. See this cycle started on May 10. Remember? So, I thought I ovulated on schedule and should have started bleeding on Tuesday (the 7th). Well, I didn’t and I wasted my husbands hard earned money on pregnancy tests that I always tend to fail. So I decided that this really sucks. (Believe me, I’m pretty sure that ’stuff’ is not the word I most likely used.) Erich was talking about new jobs and such and I started to think about our insurance and how completely AWESOME our insurance benefits are right now. So I thought “hey idiot, considering half the year is almost over, maybe you should see what IF benefits are covered under said great insurance plan.” So I called the insurance company, and the polite young man on the other end informed me that they would pay for testing, diagnosis, AND treatment 100%. Wow. So after I picked myself up off of the floor, I called the reproductive endocrinologist that I had been referred to. I asked the nice lady on the other end to make me an appointment. She asked me how soon I wanted the appointment. I thought that at first this was an incredibly silly question since I thought that it would take months even years to get an appointment. Imagine my surprise when she told me she had an appointment on the 14th. Um, wow. Okay. So I made the arrangements for my Mom to watch Magdalena during this time. The RE is about 45 minutes away so I’ll be gone probably 3 hours. I’ve never left Magdalena for 3 hours with someone else so that makes me a bit nervous. I’ve also never left her for 3 hours and then left town, so that makes me a bit nervous to. But she loves my Mom and everything should be fine.

Back to my chart. So, I call this wonderful doctor who has great potent fertility drugs and make an appointment. A little later, I’m updating my chart and fertility friends decides that no I did not ovulate on CD 14 but on CD 21 and that I shouldn’t test until next Tuesday ( the 14th). Do we all remember what happens on teh 14th? Yup, my appointment with the RE. Now if I come up pregnant the day I’m scheduled to arrange for potent fertility drugs I’ll never stop laughing.

Questions and Answers June 10, 2005

I need to address the comments that were left while I was on vacation.

Simone asked:

I’m curious to know is the hurt of TTC failure is as raw now as before Magdelena? The fact that you have her, doesn’t make it easier? Maybe harder?

The pain is the same and different. It’s hard to dwell on the pain and anxiety and failure that every women TTC with problems faces since Magdalena is constantly running around and laughing and playing. She really makes it easier because I actually have a baby and I will always have her. She brings me up when I am down. But she makes it harder. Since I now know what it is like to have that tiny baby kicking inside of me, I know what I am missing. And I desperately want to give her a playmate, someone to laugh and play with. I want to give her a sibling so that they can be close and count on each other. Some day Erich and I will be gone and I want to provide a bigger family for Magdalena so she will still have someone “on her side.” I sometimes feel very selfish for wanting another child knowing that I was very lucky to get one. Some infertile women or women who face fertility hurdles, aren’t as lucky as me. I can only describe the pain as getting your ears pierced. When they pierced the first one, it hurt, but it didn’t seem as bad really because you didn’t know quite what to expect. But when the pierced the second one, it hurt much worse. You knew the poke was coming, you knew what to expect, and you already flinching in anticipation of the pain.

Tina made this comment:

I’m going to assume that Tina only meant the best by this comment. But any woman who has had trouble conceiving will tell Tina that that comment hurts a lot. That comment makes it seem as if there is actually nothing wrong with my body and that it is all in my head. By making that comment, you deny me the right to grieve that my body doesn’t work like the population who “fall pregnant.” To make you understand this I’ve come up with this completely extreme situation.

So let’s say my friend Jane is in kidney failure. She was put on a list for a kidney transplant and every day she worries and frets. She wonders, will this be the day I get my kidney transplant? She tells me how sad she is that she hasn’t gotten a kidney yet and how bad it hurts to know that her body has failed her. So I come in and (trying to be helpful) tell her that maybe she should just relax. I tell Jane, ” you are stressing out about this kidney stuff to much! Just relax, sit back and enjoy life. I’m sure as soon as you stop worrying about a kidney transplant, BOOM that phone will ring! It happens every day. “

Now that example is pretty wild and out there and I hope that I can safely assume none of you would ever say that to someone in renal failure. But that is exactly how I feel when someone tells me to stop complaining.

Stopping In… June 9, 2005

Sorry, lots going on. My list of things to talk about here is growing but not today. Today I awoke to the sound of a vomiting baby. Vomiting right beside my head. It’s amazin how quickly Erich and I can jump out of bed and get moving when awoken by the sound of vomit. Her fever has been 103 all day long but it finally seems to have broken and she is showing interest in food again. yay. More tomorrow.

Sounds Like Fun June 6, 2005

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o’clock to you, I’ll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I’ll tell you the most memorable moment I’ve had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I’ll then tell you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

Comments, Questions, and More June 1, 2005

There are comments that need to be addressed. I will get to it. We are still on vacation. Everything is going well and we are having fun. We were in Kansas City, MO up until yesterday. We left there and drove through St. Louis (during rush hour. heh. fun?) and are in Metropolis, IL, home of SUPERMAN! I want to go to the Superman museum before we leave. We’re headed to Nashville, passing through, and will end up in Knoxville. We are headed up to see Gatlinburg on Thursday. And we are staying with grandparents tonight and tomorrow night in Knoxville. We’ll be headed back to Indiana on Friday. I’ll address the comments then, k?