I’m off to work now. 
Isn’t it wrong that I have to work? All those people stuffing themselves full with belly aches and then realizing, oh somethings wrong maybe I should go to the hospital. What? My appendix needs taken out. Bah. Have a good one, I’ll think of you all while I’m working. 
of the year! It’s snowing! The first snowfall in Indiana! 
And you know what that means, right? IT’S COMING YOUR WAY RACHEL! And it also means the time for baby to arrive is getting very very close! We are all bundled up now and I have to pack some sandwiches in my purse then we are off to the Saturn dealership (without an appointment) to wait all day in hopes of them fixing the mysterious squeak. I figure while I’m paying the fee for them to look around, I’ll have them plug the antenna back to the radio (it falls off all of the time leaving you with static) and have them check the brakes. Not that I’m made of money, I’m sure capital one will enjoy the business though. It’s better to get this fixed now while I can pay for it with that check I make every two weeks then say, oh Feb. 1 when I no longer have a job.
PS How do you like this two entries in two days thing? Belly picture tonight, when I find the camera. As I was staring in the mirror this morning, before my shower, I’ve noticed I’m really starting to point out! Funny.
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Well, with that we bid Thanksgiving goodbye. We had Thanksgiving dinner today. I actually work Thanksgiving day from 7am to 2:50 or so. The shower was yesterday, and I’m completely exhausted.
The shower was great, we received tons of gifts including an IU onsie from my best friend Phoebe. I hung it in our high chair, heh, for my stepdad to look at over dinner today. He is a Purdue alum so I expect to see something from Purdue coming soon! Phoebe got to feel the baby move. She is absolutely amazed that I am pregnant. So after the shower I came home and kept working on the house in preparation for today. We also went to Kokomo to get the oil changed in the Saturn (which by the way is making a funny noise, so I must take tomorrow off and haul it to the dealership in hopes of a small small minute repair that requires little to no money. heh) Erich got his xmas present. He is using it right now. heh. I’ll wrap the box and stick it under the tree which I hope to put up tomorrow or something.
I was up until 1am last night baking bread. We ended up with 32 pounds of it. Some in 1 pound containers, others in 2lb loaves, and in my desperation last night at 12:00 with batter still left to be cooked, I made muffins with it. heh. It’s amish friendship bread so its sweet and we can eat it in the mornings and such. The menu today was:
Spiral Glazed Ham
Stuffing with chx (made by my mother)
Sour Cream Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole (you’ve seen the TV commercials, right? I felt like a hostess failure not to provide this “tradition”)
Corn Casserole
Wheat Rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Dutch Apple Pie
Ice Cream
They troops rolled in around 1230ish and we ate around 1ish with desert around 3ish. My MIL and FIL , who own a gardening business, brought 400 bulbs to be planted. (yes you read that right 400.) They planted those after desert. (yes all 400 of them) All ‘those people” left at around 4:30 and Erich and I climbed into bed at 5! We are up now after a two hour nap. Erich is downstairs “playing” with his xmas present. (oh, it’s a planer) I’m about to sit down for Charmed and enjoy the first leftover ham sandwich with other leftovers.
I’m feeling incredibly pregnant and can’t believe that I actually did all of this baking and cooking today. Baby is creeping farther and farther into my ribs and my breathe is leaving me. When I layed down after dinner, I was actually having ctx. I really over did myself. They had to be braxton hicks, but I was at the point where I almost called the doctor since they hurt so bad. I waited until after the nap though, and as I thought, they have left. I really should take it easy, huh? She is welcome in 7 weeks when I will be term. I’m telling her punctiality is overated, that being early is the best kind of person to be! Okay picture later. Charmed now.
Once again I find myself sitting down to write how sorry I am for my lack of updates. I do feel bad, and feel as though it is my obligation to those (if any of you are still out there) who read (or used to read) daily. Things have been quite hectic as I enter into the ten week countdown. The baby shower is this weekend. Phoebe will be here all day Saturday and then Sunday I am having around 16 people over for Thanksgiving. I’m thankful, believe me. I have a wonderful husband and this awesome little creature growing inside me. It’s just that lately things seem to take a ton of energy to do. I have so much to do and the urge to do it, but my new found roundness makes accomplishing these tasks a bit difficult.
I do find my “roundness” amazing. And I seem to get rounder and rounder everyday. I always thought I would bask in the wonder of my protruding belly, which I do. I always dreamed of being pregnant and loving every minute of it, which I do. But as the days pass, I find myself leaning more towards being anxious about the birth of our child. I want it to be right now . I think this happens with every Mom. And I do believe it is the natural progression of life. I seem to find the parallel in death. ( I know this sounds odd, but run with me for a minute.)
I’m completely scared of death. I think some of this may go back to my fathers death and some just because I’m so young. I have so much to accomplish still. So many things to do, children to have, time to spend with the love of my life. Years ago when I worked in a nursing home, I found a very valuable friendship in a lady named Irene. I adored Irene and spent the little down time I had giving her “extra” love. I gave everyone extra love because I’m that kind of person, but she intrigued me. She and I talked about death once and she told me she wasn’t afraid. She welcomed it. She was tired and had lived a very full life. She had accomplished the things she wanted to and had come to find peace with the world around her. She was ready to pass on. I miss Irene terribly now, but I find peace that she was ready. She had lived her life and maybe I will find her again someday, wherever we “end up.” I think she would love to hold my baby and parts of me think she already has, as silly as that may sound. Anywho, back to the parallel. At the beginning of the pregnancy I wanted only to hold on to the fact that I was pregnant and wanted to stay that way. Towards the middle I have painted the room and have made room in our home for this new addition. We’ve talked about her. Named her. Thought about what she may be and what we want her to learn. And now, in my new huge roundness and umcomfyness, I have found peace that my body can nurture a child. That my body knows how and my mind has now moved beyond staying pregnant, to wanting to hold our baby in our arms. To smell her hair and kiss her tiny toes, that sounds “del-ovely>” (You do remember that song from Anything Goes by Cole Porter, right?) Even though we may not have all of the baby stuff, we are ready to greet her.
Okay, well I had mopped the kitchen and cleaned the downstairs batheroom, and I was writing this as the floor dried. I’m sure it’s dry now and I should get off my bum and keep going while I have some steam still. Friends was good this evening and Scrubs will be on in a few minutes. Not to mention Prince Charming should be coming home and I can’t wait to see his handsome face again. It’s funny how much love I feel in my heart right now. I loved him more then life itself before, for bringing greatness to my life, for completing me. I never dreamed I could love him even more then I already did, but I do. He gave me this baby. It’s our love and determination that created her and I can’t wait to see him hold her for the first time. I think it will be a moment I will never forget. The two greatest loves in my life, holding each other.
So did I mention anything about the GTT test results a few weeks ago? I DON”T have gestational diabetes and still have hypoglycemia when not controlled by.. well. .. eating constantly. They were like “good news no diabetes.” surprise surprise. I knew that, so did we really need to waste my time? But they did a CBC and it turns out I’m anemic. Gee, maybe that’s why I feel like I’ve been hit by a dump truck. Combine that with major cleaning around here since Phoebe is coming all day Saturday for the baby shower and Sunday we are having the most people we’ve ever had in this house for Thanksgiving, I’ve not been online much. I’m wondering why I agreed to cook a HUGE thanksgiving dinner at almost 31 weeks pregnant. (Measuring about 33 so I’m just going to start saying 33 weeks pregnant because dangit I feel like that. heh.)
I’ve got to go shower for my doctor appointment. I’ll update about that when I get home. No work today, they cancelled me. whee. It’s horribly foggy outside so I should probably leave early and this baby is a mad woman this morning. I’m very uncomfortable and it really isn’t my belly. Hmp. I kinda have a headache, wonder what my blood pressure is like. No swelling though at all. That really brings me joy. Why yes Mr. so and so I’m eight months pregnant spend eight hours + a day on my feet lifting and pushing and I”M NOT SWOLLEN. NEEENER NEENER NEENER. Okay enough of that. Off to the shower. I’ll post more later.
Where did Lili go????
Good news around here. Erichs insurance will pick me up in January, pregnant and all. Yippee! Since my insurance had changed and instead of paying nothing like we had planned we were going to have to have to pay 20% which was seriously downing my mood as of late. Erich’s insurance will pick me up and they pay 100%. I also found out that I can take short term disability (read= maternity leave) and get money then quit my job and NOT have to pay back the benefits. Whoopee. So yeah that seriously brightened my day.
I’m getting bigger and slowing down majorly. There is a friend that wants to see me but I’m so tired after work that I can’t seem to possibly do anything. I feel bad though since in a few weeks it won’t be just me anymore and they want to see me pregnant. **sigh** I’m just SO tired these days. Oh and surgery is picking right back up. I think everyone is using their insurance while their deductibles are met and they have lower insurance rates since the new year will bring higher insurance rates. Let’s see if it continues. Off to work.
Oh and does anyone else think it is UNFAIR that Erich gets to spend the day at home because it is veterans day? Freaking bank holiday. I work Thanksgiving DAY for crying out loud and he get Veterans Day off. The world is not right man.
I came home on Friday to find a surprise on the front porch! Go look at it!
Why is it that I am not allowed to say I am uncomfortable or that I hurt? I have a bruise on my belly that hurts worse than any other bruise I’ve ever had in my entire time on this Earth. I think it hurts so bad because my uterus is now pushing on it from the inside and my waistband pushes on it from the outside and my muscles just get so tired by the end of the day. Someone asks me, “so how are you feeling?” And I say, “honestly I’m not feeling great. this bruise on my belly hurts and my hips hurt something awful.” This person responds with, ” Well, didn’t you want to get pregnant? Didn’t you actually physically seek getting pregnant?” I respond, ” yes I did.” She answers, “then you shouldn’t complain.”
WTF? Why is it that every other pregnant woman on this planet is allowed to “complain” but because I struggled to get pregnant and took a little clomid I’m supposed to be some damn friggin’ saint who doesn’t mouth a complaint. I am SO happy to be pregnant and I LOVE every minute of this somewhat hellish pregnancy I’ve had. ( We do remember that unlike the average pregnant woman I lost 22 pounds, puked every day multiple times for over 12 weeks, battled a stomach flu and kidney stones, and was admitted to the hospital for dehydration, right? OH and lets not forget being hit by a 300lb motorized cart directly in the belly.) SO yeah, I love being pregnant, I tried to get pregnant but it’s taking its toll. The average pregnant woman isn’t spending 8+ hours on her feet constantly pushing, pulling, and lifting fat asses off of surgery tables (sorry I really am a compassionate person. )
I am at the point where I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever and I feel like I have forever left. OH and at what point do I go from being pregnant to “that pregnant.” To the MALE anesthisiologist who made me run for a lightwand, “SCREW YOU JERK!” The story behind that is: we put this patient on the table and he put him to sleep then decides he wants a light wand ( an instrument that is a long thin stick of sorts with a light on the end of it. They use it during difficult intubations to shine a light directly in the throat then thread the tube in the throat.) So anyways, he realizes he has no lightwand in the room (gee, think you should have thought ahead?) then looks at me and says “run and get me a lightwand from the anes. work room. And I do mean run because he is out completely.” Okay so me and my belly and almost 3lb baby go running down to the work room (on the other side of surgery) then run back with the lightwand and obviously when I get back I’m huffing and puffing (did I mention there are feet or arms in my ribs?) and joke with the nurse saying something like, ” I don’t think pregnant women are meant to run like that. heh.” He responds, ” well you are not THAT pregnant.” Excuse me? Let me have you run your ass off all day long after not sleeping the night before. I’ll pump you full of hormones then shove a 3lb baby up you with placenta and amniotic fluid etc etc etc and see how well you run and how you like it. Ugh.
I don’t like being like this. And the hostility makes me even more hostile if that makes sense. I just want compassion from other people. I’m gosh darn tired, why won’t anyone acknowledge that? I know of people who aren’t working who are pregnant and say they are tired and people go, “oh I’m sorry you must be.” But if I say I’m tired (after having worked a shift) they respond with something like, ” well you wanted this.” or ” you made your bed, now lie in it.” Jerks. I’m sick of it.
Oh and thanks for all of you who said you read. I’ll try and be comical and bright and funny and witty. Operative word= try since I don’t think I achieve that now. Heh. I’ll be happier tomorrow. I’m spending an entire day with my Prince Charming. He is going with me to the hospital to do the GTT and then we are going to see the Matrix Revolutions. (we opted to not do it tonight and see a cheaper matinee tomorrow.) I’m also going to clean and relax. I need it.
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