Archive for April, 2003
Many thanks to all the ladies who left me comments the other day during my “breakdown” It meant tons. 
And a special thanks to BabyBaby for calling me a princess. I once read a sign that said “sometimes you just have to be the princess you really are” And remember BabyBaby, good things come to those who wait. And this may be the only time I am somewhat patient. You are in my prayers and Congratulations! You deserve it!
It’s been busy around here! Work is slow though and I came home early and hung out with my mother. I ran to Sam’s Club and bought a jacket for Papa; tomorrow is his 73rd birthday! The jacket was a nice “three season” with thermal lining. Thought it might come in handy for this crazy Indiana weather and it was only $12! Not that I wouldn’t spend tons on my Papa because he is awesome, but we are on a budget people! That and they come over for breakfast like every other day (impending on a princess’s(?) (***dangit where is that little cartoon beanmom found when I need it!***) beauty rest BabyBaby!) Yes, they are coming for breakfast in the morning. Buttermilk pancakes, sausage, and eggs I believe. OJ and coffee will also be served. Just call me Suzy Homemaker (although I hate for my name to be shortened) Everybody at work calls me that.
Did I mention that my Papa is the greatest? Him and my father were really close. My dad was his only biological son (they have 6 kids, the first three were from my grandmas previous marriage. From what I hear, the other dude was a real jerk.) We told Papa that the first son we got we were planning on naming Kevin Clayton *** *** after my father. We would have my maiden name and my married name at the end. So it would kinda be like he has two middle names like me. I just tacked my married name on the end without the hyphen! Four really long long names. I must have been crazy! Sometimes I wish I would have met a Smith or Brown or something even shorter. But heck, what fun would it be to go through life with a boring name like Smith or Brown (truly no offense meant to anyone!)? Okay I’m babbling. I’m off to bed. Suzy Homemaker has to be up early to make the world breakfast…
Can we say “robbing the cradle?”
I just finished im’ing with Dawn. She is a neat girl! And we are both freaks 
Isn’t bonding with other freaks like yourself just grand?
Hello American Express! Let me tell you a few things.
1) My husband and I are married. We are one. This means that he nor I are primary cardholders. We use the card together and we both pay the bill together.
2) He doesn’t allow me to use his password nor does he allow me to use the card. As a matter of fact, I’m the one who holds the checkbook.
3) In the future, kissing the butt of the spouse of the primary cardholder will do you a mountain of good.
It’s been a real pleasure doing business with you.
Dawn always finds the neat quizzes!
Which of Henry VIII’s wives are you?
this quiz was made by the groovy ghouls at Spookbot
I can’t take it anymore. Here it is 1am, I’m supposed to be at work in less than eight hours, and I sit here crying because I’m not pregnant. My dh came home and told me that yet another person we know is pregnant. And I really just can’t take it! I hurt so bad. I don’t know what to do. I have no clue how these women try for years and years and years without success. I feel like this horrible horrible failure. I feel like it is never going to happen. I feel like all this time and effort and pain and meticulous steps are all in vain. Yay I’m not going to die for cervical cancer but since I’m allowing you to live (says God) you can have no babies.
No babies. The two words that frighten me. Those words plague my sleep, threaten lifelong saddness. Could it be that I will never hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running through my house? Will I never look out the window and see my dh playing with my babies and the dogs? WIll I never feel that kick from within, never experience that miracles that only others seem to be doing?
I feel like it’s unfair. I feel like I don’t deserve this. Hasn’t my life been hard enough? I watched my dad die in two weeks from a rare, toxic blood disease when I was nine. I’ve worked since I was 13, fulltime since I was 16. I never got to do what others did after school, because I was wiping butts in nursing homes. I’ve missed out on so much. My dad didn’t teach me to drive, he never met a date, he didn’t see my graduate high school, or even help me move out the first time. Worst of all he didn’t walk me down the aisle. The one most important moment in a girls life he was not there. And I MISS him. Damnit! I just want to run and scream.
Why can’t this one thing be easy? WHY!? I found out today, in addition to that friend, that this chick at work is pregnant. Not married, and pregnant. And it feels so UNFAIR! I want to scream, “I’m doing it the right way! I’m married! I’ve found a nice stable home, with a stable guy!” “Are you there God, it’s me, Suzanne. Please help! HELP HELP HELP!”
This pain is the worst. The emptiness.Maybe this outrage is just sparked by the extra progesterone they have me on. Or maybe it is the reality that is setting in. Childless Suzanne. I should forget about it. They say stupid stuff like, it happens when you least expect it, or when you arent’ trying. Bullcrap. I’m tired of not trying, and I’m tired of trying. Heck, I’m just plain tired. And now all my blog readers think I’m psycho. Damnit.
I’m listed in Blogshares! Go, run, play!