April 16, 2003

It didn’t work. I took a “generic” pregnancy test this morning and didn’t get anything. No lines. Dh asks, “what does that mean?” It means it didn’t work, try again next time. I go downstairs and start playing on the computer. A few minutes later ( I believe when he realized it was a generic test) I hear him yelling ” Why didn’t you buy the expensive test? These are just like throwing money down the drain!” This is funny when you know that my husband is the cheapest man on this Earth. If it comes in generic, he buys it. He would even buy the hard scratchy 1-ply toilet paper if I let him. (And believe me he has tried!)

So today after work I went to Sam’s Club and bought a ham and pregnancy tests. 3 EPT tests to be exact. And they were only $15 bucks! For three of them! What a deal!

I’ve been really sore lately and extremely tired. I haven’t a clue as to why. Most people are convinced I’m pregnant. I’m not though. I don’t think I am to be truthful. It seems like this far off concept that my body is not capable of achieving. Hopefully I’ll be morbidly wrong.

Speaking of morbid *hehe* todays inservice at work was presented by a deputy coroner of Marion County (Indianapolis). He gave a very interesting presentation along with very detailed pictures of maggots and mice and people eating dogs. Lovely. Now when I write this I’m feeling great but at the time I felt very sick. Very very sick. (which also led others to believe I am prego) Anyways as he is showing these pictures I’m looking for the nearest exit because I think I have to puke which to be honest is amazing because things like that don’t usually make me puke. People puking makes me puke. Not pictures. Not even pictures of decomposing, maggot infested bodies. But enough about that.

So I’ve got these three EPT tests. I guess I’ll wait till morning. Yeah, I’ll wait till morning. Goodnight ladies and gents, sweet dreams.

April 15, 2003

I’m still not feeling like myself. AF has not shown up and I’m having mixed emotions. I know that if I take a pregnancy test then I’ll know but that will bring on even more emotions. For example, if I’m not pregnant besides the fact that I will be terribly upset, I will be worried and anxious as to why I haven’t had AF. If I am I’ll be so elated that I might actually bust and feel happy. I think I’ll go home early today and take the test while dh isn’t around. I don’t know why but I really feel like it is something I need to do by myself. Is that weird?

My husband found out that he can graduate by December with a degree in general studies. Yeah, it isn’t finance and business like he wants, but at least he will have a degree and a chance to either move up in the company he is currently in or change companies. So that is exciting. I’ll have to throw him a graduation party. Hopefully by then we will have baby on the way! And I can go back to school and get my degree. **sigh**

It was already 70 degrees when I came here this morning. The awful part about my job is that there are no windows whatsoever. I feel like I am trapped inside a pit. I just want to be home. And I’m absolutely exhausted.

More on my dream. Remember the dream I told you yesterday? Well last night I was fiddling around on the computer trying to pass some time. I went to babycenter and entered in the first day of my last period just for the heck of it! Well that was March 7 and it comes up to say (that if I was pregnant) I would be five weeks pregnant just like in the dream!!! Is that weird? I know that is probably just like some subconscious dream calendar that I have in my head but that is a pretty funky coincedence in my eyes. Could it actually be that I’m pregnant? It’s almost a concept my brain can’t comprehend. Now if I could only get home to that test…

April 14, 2003

I’m a bit on the anxious side. Completely irritated and sick of work. I know I say this everyday but I really and truly am sick of it all. I’m not liking the people or the hours or the inconvience. I just want to be home. I think a part of the reason I am anxious is because I’m late. I took my last dose of progesterone on Friday. I should have started by now. That whole Progesterone withdraw thing should have kicked in. But here I sit, Monday afternoon, and AF is no where to be seen. Someone said to take a test but I don’t think they realize how hard it is to take a pregnancy test and find out you aren’t pregnant. The disappointment is almost unbearable.

I had this dream a few days ago. In the dream I was five weeks pregnant and talking with this girl at work who is also pregnant. The thing that is odd is that this chick and I NEVER talk to each other. I don’t think I’ve ever even said hi to the lady. Weird, huh? And the dream was the kind of dream that was so real. I woke up with a smile on my face just to realize that it was a dream. Only a dream. How sad.

Now if you’ll excuse me I must go back to the pit of hell some call work.

Unconscious Mutterings

Compassionate:: Friend

Zodiac:: Sign

Suit:: Zoot

Marble:: Swallow *remember I work in surgery, we usually go after a marble once a week*

Track::Race

Miscellaneous:: Crap

Supermarket:: Sweep

Stone:: Cold

Daylight:: Savings Time

Cap:: Bottle

April 10, 2003

OUCH! I think I have a UTI. I was doing a bit of reading about them and the hubby wanted to know how I got it. Causes are frequent intercourse or pregnancy *and short ureters(girls have shorter ureters than boys)* Hmmm gee maybe I’m pregnant?

Highly doubtful. I know this doesn’t sound optimistic but I’m beginning to think that that concept is impossible.

There’s no place like home **tap, tap, tap** There’s no place like home **tap, tap, tap**….

I want to go home! Work is becoming more boring by the minute. I hate this shift. I don’t really giving a flying crap if everybody had to work this shift when they started. It absolutely sucks. Dan had a heart attack which means I may move up to his 7 to 1500 shift while he is away which could be a good thing (obviously not him having a heart attack but me going to days). Maybe once I get there they will see how they don’t need me till 1900 and let me work 9a to 5p like I’ve been begging to. Or maybe they would let me work 10 hour shifts 9a to 1900 and let me have a day of rest. I get nothing done on this shift.

I have so much stuff I want to do at home. I want to work on my sofa covers. Did I tell you that my grandma gave me the old couch my mother had? I put it in the basement in the family room. I want to slipcover that and the sofa in the formal living room. I want to make the blinds with cloth tapes on them for the master bedroom and curtains for the formal living room. I want the blinds in the living room replaced also. I WANT TO GET PREGNANT SO I CAN DECORATE THE SPARE BEDROOM! Obviously the baby would be with us for a long time in our room but he will eventually need a room of his own.

I want it to be warm so I can go out and work in the flower beds and on my pond with the waterfall. I want to put window boxes up outside on the windows that face the deck. I want to paint the picnic table my stepdad gave us.

I want even go into the redecorating I want to do in the kitchen. Sheesh! It’s time to take the house I grew up in and make it the house I create a home in for my family.

And damnit, I can’t do that while I am here at work! I’m going back now to bust my butt and get out of here early! Besides having a few errands to run, it’s Thursday. And we all know what that means! PRIME TIME TV!

April 9, 2003

Yet another Dawn quiz!

You’re Betty Grable!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

April 8, 2003

Many thanks to all the ladies who left me comments the other day during my “breakdown” It meant tons. And a special thanks to BabyBaby for calling me a princess. I once read a sign that said “sometimes you just have to be the princess you really are” And remember BabyBaby, good things come to those who wait. And this may be the only time I am somewhat patient. You are in my prayers and Congratulations! You deserve it!

It’s been busy around here! Work is slow though and I came home early and hung out with my mother. I ran to Sam’s Club and bought a jacket for Papa; tomorrow is his 73rd birthday! The jacket was a nice “three season” with thermal lining. Thought it might come in handy for this crazy Indiana weather and it was only $12! Not that I wouldn’t spend tons on my Papa because he is awesome, but we are on a budget people! That and they come over for breakfast like every other day (impending on a princess’s(?) (***dangit where is that little cartoon beanmom found when I need it!***) beauty rest BabyBaby!) Yes, they are coming for breakfast in the morning. Buttermilk pancakes, sausage, and eggs I believe. OJ and coffee will also be served. Just call me Suzy Homemaker (although I hate for my name to be shortened) Everybody at work calls me that.

Did I mention that my Papa is the greatest? Him and my father were really close. My dad was his only biological son (they have 6 kids, the first three were from my grandmas previous marriage. From what I hear, the other dude was a real jerk.) We told Papa that the first son we got we were planning on naming Kevin Clayton *** *** after my father. We would have my maiden name and my married name at the end. So it would kinda be like he has two middle names like me. I just tacked my married name on the end without the hyphen! Four really long long names. I must have been crazy! Sometimes I wish I would have met a Smith or Brown or something even shorter. But heck, what fun would it be to go through life with a boring name like Smith or Brown (truly no offense meant to anyone!)? Okay I’m babbling. I’m off to bed. Suzy Homemaker has to be up early to make the world breakfast…

April 5, 2003

Can we say “robbing the cradle?”