Clomid Day One

Well first pill was this morning. Not feeling to bad. I don’t know quite what I am expecting to happen. Well other than getting pregnant. I DO expect that to happen. I was a bit nauseous in the mid morning which I contribute to the clomid. I forgot to take my BBT this morning. Oh well.

In other news, last night I became a Mary Kay consultant. Yes I know this sounds very corny. “ding dong! Avon calling!” But I figure, hey I’ve already have three jobs on top of trying to keep up with my house, what’s one more? Yes the job count for me is up to five: a) my job at the hospital, b) babysitting/dogsitting, c) cleaning houses, d) mary kay, e) taking care of my hunny, dogs, and house. How the hell did my mother do it? Props to her. I’m EXHAUSTED!

This morning we went to Wells Fargo and got a home mortagage!!!! People keep telling me, “congratulations! you’re in debt for the next 30 years!!!” WOOHOO~!

Bad news struck home today. Am I going to lose my job? We are so slow in surgery tomorrow that they gave me the day off. I have mixed emotions. If we are slow that isn’t good because we need to be busy so I can keep my job. On the other hand, I need a day off! I’m going to do all of my laundry tonight. In the morning I have a house to clean, and afterwards I’m just going to veg out! Maybe I’ll get outside in my yard and do some work, but it’s highly doubtful! Also dh informed me that I have webspace on insightbb.com so I can upload some pictures to share with you lovely people! yay!

Okay time to get moving. Oh and by the way, Anyone want to buy some Mary Kay products? You know you do!

The blood test was a big fat negative. So we are starting a new game…clomid. Let’s pray it only takes one month guys. **fingers crossed**

I say … and you think … ?

1. Slob:: -by Pig

2. 60:: seconds

3. Personals:: Ad

4. Famous:: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

5. Cancer:: July

6. Internet:: Blog

7. Previously:: Known

8. Moonshine:: Really Drunk

9. Ants:: in your pants!

10.Check:: book

It’s late but I am updating for Rachel. She wanted to know how things went. The cheesecake is delicious… yum. I didn’t make the bread because I didn’t have apple juice and didn’t want to go get any. How is that for lazy? If anybody wanted to know if I’m pregnant ( ) I still don’t know! I know the suspense is horrible, isn’t it? I went this morning and had my blood drawn.

If you remember, I started taking Prometrium (progesterone) around March 20th or so. I took the progesterone for 23 days with my last dose ending on April 11. It is now April 26 and AF has not arrived. This suggests that I may be pregnant. I’ve taken two HPT now and they have both been negative, but my doctor still wanted the bloodwork done. I found this link though and don’t know how to feel about it… Progesterone and No Period. What do you think that means?

It’s cold and icky out. Yuck. I’m home from work early. Spent all day trying to teach people the new computer system. Yee haw. I go tomorrow to the hospital to get my blood drawn. Then they will find out if I am pregnant and if so how pregnant I am. Keep your fingers crossed that there is a little pea growing in there. DH is praying cause he doesn’t want to do clomid. Since we know my cousin is having triplets and she was on clomid he is a bit scared hehehe. I’m more scared of carrying twins and of the risks to me but mostly to babies.

I’m making cheesecake right now. And cinnamon apple bread (it’s fabulous served warm with butter sugar and cinnamon on top) and brown rice. Leftover ham will also be served sometime tonight and I need to do laundry! I’ll write more later tonight or tomorrow!

To take a test or not… that is the question.

Tomorrow is Thursday. One week since the last prego test. Should I take it? I hate the disappointment. I don’t know. Hm…. What do you guys think? Should I take the test in the morning?

I apologize for being MIA this week. I’ll try and be better. I’m going to rewrite what I wrote yesterday just making sure to save frequently! I only have about 15 minutes. Okay I last wrote on Thursday. Friday I cleaned a house, went to my “normal” job, and then went to babysit. The house wasn’t to terribly awful. I would consider it somewhat picked up except in areas where kids are at. It mainly needed dusting and such. I ran out of time so I’ll go earlier next week and work on more details. I think by the end of next time or the time after it will be in an excellent condition and more easily maintained. I didn’t get to blog Friday night because by the time the day was over I was exhausted and went straight to bed!

On Saturday morning, we went to breakfast with my grandparents. We really enjoy eating with them! Afterwards all of us went for a walk in the cemetery with the dogs. My older dog, Gracy, loves to go to the cemetery and chase moles! Ella loves the wide open space to run in. Saturday evening we went and babysat for the usual people. We really enjoy their kids and the 5month old daughter now recognizes us. The little boy adores my husband and the little girl loves to coo and giggle at him. It is so fun to watch him interact with the babies. Makes my heart swell. I want to give him one so badly.

Nothing else new. I continue to dislike my job with each passing day. I think if I only had one day off in the middle of the week it would make all of the difference. I would be able to run errands and tend to the house. Once we get the debt paid off I think I am definitely scaling back to partime. After we have a baby I don’t intend to work at all. Yay! Something to look forward to.

The doctor has prescribed clomid for me. Now if AF would ever arrive it would help. I took my last dose of Progesterone on April 11 so I should have started AF by now. I took a test on the 17th and it was negative so maybe I’ll take another one tonight. The doctor is supposed to call today. She may want me to have some bloodwork done. I’m tired of it. I really have just tried to forget about AF. **sigh**

Well I’m off to a meeting now. I’m going to try to get off of work early tonight. Wish me luck. My tummy hurts!

Sunday we worked on the house getting it ready for company and I spent most of the day in the kitchen. We had Easter dinner around 4pm. My mom and stepdad, grandparents, and brother in law came. We had spiral ham, corn casserole, green bean casserole, sour cream potatoes, and rolls. Mmmm…

We’ve been taking lots of walks lately. It has been fun and the dogs really enjoy it. Besides that the exercise makes me feel thin.

Okay I’m mad now I had just gone into this HUGE entry and the computer shut itself down. Urghh.. I don’t think have time to repeat all of that. I should have saved it before I lost it, dangit.

I’m gonna be okay I think. AF hasn’t arrived yet the OBGYN said it is okay for now. Hold out, if it doesn’t come in a week, take another test. Do these people realize how long a freaking week is? Obviously not, they are probably one of those people that get pregnant just because they kissed their husband. (nothing against those of you who have no trouble getting prego) She did however call in a prescription for Clomid. I asked for it. I’m tired of this. Emotionally I just can’t take it. I know that I haven’t gone through this nearly as long as everyone else. You all are so brave. It’s just that with my previous hx of depression and such, I just don’t know how much more of it that I can take before it drives me into the ground for good. I need a bit of happiness. In fact, I deserve a little happiness. We all do. We just don’t realize it. But we should though. We are all wonderful.

I told dh this morning to not worry about multiples. I’m not taking shots of clomid, just the oral version *that is if AF ever decides to come* which should lower the risks of multiple births. My rational to him was that if we can’t get one what makes him think we would get two? Though deep down inside I think twins would be cool, though a ton of trouble, considering I already have Ella (my puppy!) who thinks that I am her mom. She is so big! She turned 1 year old this month!! Right now Ella is sitting in the chair a few feet away from me. She is pretty tired. Me too. I should go to bed.

Tomorrow I have to get up at the crack of dawn to clean a house. Then I’m off to work, and afterwards, I’m going to babysit. **yawn** I’m tired just thinking about it. Oh! My stepdad is having surgery on his spine tomorrow (they are going through his neck! eek!). So please keep him in your thoughts. I told him it was a walk in the park and for the most part should be easy for him since he’ll be knocked out. (thank God for propofol!) heh I also told him it’s like walking across the street, millions do it every day. Although once in a while one will get hit by a gravel truck. ROTFL Thank goodness he thought it was funny.

Okay off to bed. And if you guys don’t mind, will you still keep hoping that I’m pregnant? I know that it’s a shot in the dark but maybe it could happen, right Lily? If not, hope that this clomid works right away! Good night and sweet dreams to all. I sometimes wish I could meet every one of you fabulous women who share your lives with me. You guys are truly awesome. Kind of like a sorority (right Dawn?) Kappa Kappa Blog *heh I crack myself up!*

It was negative. And quite frankly I wish I hadn’t taken it. I knew I wasn’t. This just made it more real to me. Depressing.

It didn’t work. I took a “generic” pregnancy test this morning and didn’t get anything. No lines. Dh asks, “what does that mean?” It means it didn’t work, try again next time. I go downstairs and start playing on the computer. A few minutes later ( I believe when he realized it was a generic test) I hear him yelling ” Why didn’t you buy the expensive test? These are just like throwing money down the drain!” This is funny when you know that my husband is the cheapest man on this Earth. If it comes in generic, he buys it. He would even buy the hard scratchy 1-ply toilet paper if I let him. (And believe me he has tried!)

So today after work I went to Sam’s Club and bought a ham and pregnancy tests. 3 EPT tests to be exact. And they were only $15 bucks! For three of them! What a deal!

I’ve been really sore lately and extremely tired. I haven’t a clue as to why. Most people are convinced I’m pregnant. I’m not though. I don’t think I am to be truthful. It seems like this far off concept that my body is not capable of achieving. Hopefully I’ll be morbidly wrong.

Speaking of morbid *hehe* todays inservice at work was presented by a deputy coroner of Marion County (Indianapolis). He gave a very interesting presentation along with very detailed pictures of maggots and mice and people eating dogs. Lovely. Now when I write this I’m feeling great but at the time I felt very sick. Very very sick. (which also led others to believe I am prego) Anyways as he is showing these pictures I’m looking for the nearest exit because I think I have to puke which to be honest is amazing because things like that don’t usually make me puke. People puking makes me puke. Not pictures. Not even pictures of decomposing, maggot infested bodies. But enough about that.

So I’ve got these three EPT tests. I guess I’ll wait till morning. Yeah, I’ll wait till morning. Goodnight ladies and gents, sweet dreams.

I’m still not feeling like myself. AF has not shown up and I’m having mixed emotions. I know that if I take a pregnancy test then I’ll know but that will bring on even more emotions. For example, if I’m not pregnant besides the fact that I will be terribly upset, I will be worried and anxious as to why I haven’t had AF. If I am I’ll be so elated that I might actually bust and feel happy. I think I’ll go home early today and take the test while dh isn’t around. I don’t know why but I really feel like it is something I need to do by myself. Is that weird?

My husband found out that he can graduate by December with a degree in general studies. Yeah, it isn’t finance and business like he wants, but at least he will have a degree and a chance to either move up in the company he is currently in or change companies. So that is exciting. I’ll have to throw him a graduation party. Hopefully by then we will have baby on the way! And I can go back to school and get my degree. **sigh**

It was already 70 degrees when I came here this morning. The awful part about my job is that there are no windows whatsoever. I feel like I am trapped inside a pit. I just want to be home. And I’m absolutely exhausted.

More on my dream. Remember the dream I told you yesterday? Well last night I was fiddling around on the computer trying to pass some time. I went to babycenter and entered in the first day of my last period just for the heck of it! Well that was March 7 and it comes up to say (that if I was pregnant) I would be five weeks pregnant just like in the dream!!! Is that weird? I know that is probably just like some subconscious dream calendar that I have in my head but that is a pretty funky coincedence in my eyes. Could it actually be that I’m pregnant? It’s almost a concept my brain can’t comprehend. Now if I could only get home to that test…

I’m a bit on the anxious side. Completely irritated and sick of work. I know I say this everyday but I really and truly am sick of it all. I’m not liking the people or the hours or the inconvience. I just want to be home. I think a part of the reason I am anxious is because I’m late. I took my last dose of progesterone on Friday. I should have started by now. That whole Progesterone withdraw thing should have kicked in. But here I sit, Monday afternoon, and AF is no where to be seen. Someone said to take a test but I don’t think they realize how hard it is to take a pregnancy test and find out you aren’t pregnant. The disappointment is almost unbearable.

I had this dream a few days ago. In the dream I was five weeks pregnant and talking with this girl at work who is also pregnant. The thing that is odd is that this chick and I NEVER talk to each other. I don’t think I’ve ever even said hi to the lady. Weird, huh? And the dream was the kind of dream that was so real. I woke up with a smile on my face just to realize that it was a dream. Only a dream. How sad.

Now if you’ll excuse me I must go back to the pit of hell some call work.

Unconscious Mutterings

Compassionate:: Friend

Zodiac:: Sign

Suit:: Zoot

Marble:: Swallow *remember I work in surgery, we usually go after a marble once a week*

Track::Race

Miscellaneous:: Crap

Supermarket:: Sweep

Stone:: Cold

Daylight:: Savings Time

Cap:: Bottle

OUCH! I think I have a UTI. I was doing a bit of reading about them and the hubby wanted to know how I got it. Causes are frequent intercourse or pregnancy *and short ureters(girls have shorter ureters than boys)* Hmmm gee maybe I’m pregnant?

Highly doubtful. I know this doesn’t sound optimistic but I’m beginning to think that that concept is impossible.

There’s no place like home **tap, tap, tap** There’s no place like home **tap, tap, tap**….

I want to go home! Work is becoming more boring by the minute. I hate this shift. I don’t really giving a flying crap if everybody had to work this shift when they started. It absolutely sucks. Dan had a heart attack which means I may move up to his 7 to 1500 shift while he is away which could be a good thing (obviously not him having a heart attack but me going to days). Maybe once I get there they will see how they don’t need me till 1900 and let me work 9a to 5p like I’ve been begging to. Or maybe they would let me work 10 hour shifts 9a to 1900 and let me have a day of rest. I get nothing done on this shift.

I have so much stuff I want to do at home. I want to work on my sofa covers. Did I tell you that my grandma gave me the old couch my mother had? I put it in the basement in the family room. I want to slipcover that and the sofa in the formal living room. I want to make the blinds with cloth tapes on them for the master bedroom and curtains for the formal living room. I want the blinds in the living room replaced also. I WANT TO GET PREGNANT SO I CAN DECORATE THE SPARE BEDROOM! Obviously the baby would be with us for a long time in our room but he will eventually need a room of his own.

I want it to be warm so I can go out and work in the flower beds and on my pond with the waterfall. I want to put window boxes up outside on the windows that face the deck. I want to paint the picnic table my stepdad gave us.

I want even go into the redecorating I want to do in the kitchen. Sheesh! It’s time to take the house I grew up in and make it the house I create a home in for my family.

And damnit, I can’t do that while I am here at work! I’m going back now to bust my butt and get out of here early! Besides having a few errands to run, it’s Thursday. And we all know what that means! PRIME TIME TV!